The EARS Technique for Effective Communication
Article by Lauri McNair, MS
"Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!"--Matthew 11:15(NLT)
We all know how important communication is. It is the fabric of healthy and mutually satisfying relationships. We all have a voice and long to be heard and understood. No man is an island as we were created for relationships (Genesis 2:18), therefore relationships are vital to our mental health and overall wellbeing. Yet so many of us struggle in the area of communication. Why? Do we scapegoat our incessant use of technology? Do we shift blame and poke someone else as a communication road-blocker?
Invariably, each of us need look no further than our own role and participation in any given dialogue or conversation. It's not uncommon to hear statements like, "He never listens to me" or "It's like in one ear and out the other" or "I feel ignored when I'm talking" or "When I try to talk, the conversation shifts to being about the other person" or "All we do is yell, scream, and curse at each other...there is no conversation. It's a shouting match" or "I hate talking to him, he's so judgmental and condescending".
If any of those statements sounded familiar--you're not alone. Communication does not have to be a subject of dread or source of anxiety. Each of us have the ability to communicate with empathy and compassion as we hone our listening skills. Becoming an engaged listener is a precursor to productive and effective communication; a skill that takes practice, patience, time, and effort. And, there is no better teacher than the Master of communication--Jesus! An in-depth study of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) affords us the opportunity to model Christ in our interactions with others.
Jesus routinely offered platforms for people to share their hearts--their concerns, experiences, frustrations, doubt, or pessimism. He met people at their point of need; where they were. He listened expertly and with great care and compassion to those who were hurting, lost, confused, broken, frustrated, suspicious, full of doubt, sick, worried, and distressed. If we observe, implement, and apply the techniques He used to effectively communicate with empathy, love, and compassion--we will be on our way to healthier, more mutually satisfying relationships.
The following is an original, biblically-based model downloaded by the Holy Spirit entitled,
"The EARS Technique for Effective Communication":
1. E (Engage) John 4:1-26
● This is the first step in effective communication, and the most critical as it is the foundation of communication. Afford others a platform to converse. Engagement involves non-judgmental interaction and setting a tone of safety and interest in what is on another person's heart. Engagement is not giving advice, suggestions, or counsel. It's the preliminary stage of communication designed to allow the conversation to evolve into a more meaningful and in depth dialogue.
2. A (Attention) Luke 18:35-43
● Attention is key. If we are inattentive, we have lost our audience and essentially shut down communication. We demonstrate that we are attentive through eye contact and body language. This shows that the speaker has our full attention. There are no distractions if we are fully attentive. This means we are not looking at our cell phones, watching TV, or sitting with our arms folded, gazing into the great unknown, waiting for our chance to speak. Even if we do not like what is being said, we must model restraint by not cutting a person off or speaking over them. This is the time to listen prayerfully through a filter of God's grace, compassion, and love. If we enact this technique of prayerful attention, the Holy Spirit will give us what we need to navigate even the most difficult conversation.
3. R (Response) Isaiah 50:4
● Jesus was masterful at this. He knew how to respond with understanding--whether it was with a pointed question, an empathic tone of voice, or a parable. His responses always evoked some type of change or movement. When Jesus spoke, people felt heard and acknowledge. His responses brought relief (John 2:1-11), deliverance (Luke 8:26-39), hope (Mark 9:14-29), healing (Matthew 8:1-27), freedom (John 8:1-11), inspiration (John 3:1-20), direction (Luke 5:1-6), and encouragement (Matthew 16:13-20). No one ever left His presence feeling unheard or unconsidered.
4. S (Survey) Psalm 139:23
● Take an honest assessment of dialogue. Was Christ emulated through your words? It takes humility to ask someone else if he feels heard or understood. But, this is part of it. We may think we did a good job of listening...but how does the other person feel about our efforts to engage, be attentive, and respond in a way that demonstrates a heartfelt desire to improve communication? Acknowledge the response and prayerfully consider what has been shared. Be introspective. Invite the Holy Spirit to continually help you. We have been empowered with a divine, supernatural ability to communicate like a boss when we humbly follow the Master.
Article by Lauri McNair, MS
"Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand!"--Matthew 11:15(NLT)
We all know how important communication is. It is the fabric of healthy and mutually satisfying relationships. We all have a voice and long to be heard and understood. No man is an island as we were created for relationships (Genesis 2:18), therefore relationships are vital to our mental health and overall wellbeing. Yet so many of us struggle in the area of communication. Why? Do we scapegoat our incessant use of technology? Do we shift blame and poke someone else as a communication road-blocker?
Invariably, each of us need look no further than our own role and participation in any given dialogue or conversation. It's not uncommon to hear statements like, "He never listens to me" or "It's like in one ear and out the other" or "I feel ignored when I'm talking" or "When I try to talk, the conversation shifts to being about the other person" or "All we do is yell, scream, and curse at each other...there is no conversation. It's a shouting match" or "I hate talking to him, he's so judgmental and condescending".
If any of those statements sounded familiar--you're not alone. Communication does not have to be a subject of dread or source of anxiety. Each of us have the ability to communicate with empathy and compassion as we hone our listening skills. Becoming an engaged listener is a precursor to productive and effective communication; a skill that takes practice, patience, time, and effort. And, there is no better teacher than the Master of communication--Jesus! An in-depth study of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) affords us the opportunity to model Christ in our interactions with others.
Jesus routinely offered platforms for people to share their hearts--their concerns, experiences, frustrations, doubt, or pessimism. He met people at their point of need; where they were. He listened expertly and with great care and compassion to those who were hurting, lost, confused, broken, frustrated, suspicious, full of doubt, sick, worried, and distressed. If we observe, implement, and apply the techniques He used to effectively communicate with empathy, love, and compassion--we will be on our way to healthier, more mutually satisfying relationships.
The following is an original, biblically-based model downloaded by the Holy Spirit entitled,
"The EARS Technique for Effective Communication":
1. E (Engage) John 4:1-26
● This is the first step in effective communication, and the most critical as it is the foundation of communication. Afford others a platform to converse. Engagement involves non-judgmental interaction and setting a tone of safety and interest in what is on another person's heart. Engagement is not giving advice, suggestions, or counsel. It's the preliminary stage of communication designed to allow the conversation to evolve into a more meaningful and in depth dialogue.
2. A (Attention) Luke 18:35-43
● Attention is key. If we are inattentive, we have lost our audience and essentially shut down communication. We demonstrate that we are attentive through eye contact and body language. This shows that the speaker has our full attention. There are no distractions if we are fully attentive. This means we are not looking at our cell phones, watching TV, or sitting with our arms folded, gazing into the great unknown, waiting for our chance to speak. Even if we do not like what is being said, we must model restraint by not cutting a person off or speaking over them. This is the time to listen prayerfully through a filter of God's grace, compassion, and love. If we enact this technique of prayerful attention, the Holy Spirit will give us what we need to navigate even the most difficult conversation.
3. R (Response) Isaiah 50:4
● Jesus was masterful at this. He knew how to respond with understanding--whether it was with a pointed question, an empathic tone of voice, or a parable. His responses always evoked some type of change or movement. When Jesus spoke, people felt heard and acknowledge. His responses brought relief (John 2:1-11), deliverance (Luke 8:26-39), hope (Mark 9:14-29), healing (Matthew 8:1-27), freedom (John 8:1-11), inspiration (John 3:1-20), direction (Luke 5:1-6), and encouragement (Matthew 16:13-20). No one ever left His presence feeling unheard or unconsidered.
4. S (Survey) Psalm 139:23
● Take an honest assessment of dialogue. Was Christ emulated through your words? It takes humility to ask someone else if he feels heard or understood. But, this is part of it. We may think we did a good job of listening...but how does the other person feel about our efforts to engage, be attentive, and respond in a way that demonstrates a heartfelt desire to improve communication? Acknowledge the response and prayerfully consider what has been shared. Be introspective. Invite the Holy Spirit to continually help you. We have been empowered with a divine, supernatural ability to communicate like a boss when we humbly follow the Master.
