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It Starts with a Dream

4/28/2017

The NFL Draft is happening now in Philadelphia, which is minutes from our home. Needless to say, it is an exciting time in the Philadelphia area; a city known for diehard, loyal sports fans. My husband is a former football player and football fan, so naturally we were tuned in to the Draft on television. We watched the newly selected draft picks rush to the stage in excitement, greet the commissioner, and don a cap and jersey of their new team. We were watching them live their dream!

Dreams are the genesis of beginnings.

What is your dream? What do you aspire to do? What do you envision for yourself? It may not be being a Round 1 Draft pick; but there is a dream within each of us. God has given us the capacity to dream and aspire.
(Genesis 37:5) God has a purpose and a plan for each of our lives
(Jeremiah 29:11). We are filled with promise and destiny. This is why each and every human life is vastly important to God and to mankind at large.

If you lost your dream along the way because of bumps or detours in your journey, retrieve it! If you can't readily think of a dream, ask God to inspire you (Proverbs 29:18). If you're afraid to dream--pray! Ask God to lift the spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7). Give yourself permission to dream. It is God's gift to you.

It's essential to access and resurrect our dreams, if we have lost them. Dreams give us hope and a pursuit. When we lose our capacity to hope, we are most miserable (Proverbs 13:12). God's plans for you have not changed; you just need to be re-routed! Be inspired and encouraged by the word of God. Let it dwell richly in you (Colossians 3:16). You need not sit on the sidelines watching others live their dreams when you can get in the game too!

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Overcoming Self-Condemnation and Unforgiveness

4/20/2017

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"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit."--Romans 8:1(NKJV)

All of us at one time or another have missed the mark, blown it, or put our foot in our mouths. It's an awful feeling. You know, the feelings of regret for saying or doing the "wrong thing" or playing a part or participating in something "foul". It can be extremely overwhelming and guilt producing. So how do we move beyond the mental replays, the ruminating, the self-blame, the burden of guilt that stagnates and produces self-condemnation and unforgiveness in our souls?

We must grab hold of the biblical truth that ALL have missed the mark:
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..."--Romans 3:23(NIV)

Yet, we have hope in Christ Jesus:
"and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."--Romans 3:24(NIV)

Easter Sunday, which has just passed, it's a reminder of God's infinite love for mankind. It's a reminder of how God longs for relationship for each and everyone of us; so much so that he would send his only Son (John 3:16) to redeem us from the curse of sin. Christ died for the sins of the world, and there is no sin that has not been propitiated by His blood (I John 2:2).

The word of God also tells us that when we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:5). We also know that when God forgives, extends compassion, tramples our sin under his feet, and hurls them into the depths of sea (Micah 7:19).

So, how do we overcome self-loathing and self-condemnation? How do we overcome the guilt that stagnates our progress in life, inhibits dreams, effects our relationships, and brings distress to our souls?

Receive and accept the forgiveness of God by faith, in so doing it enables us to forgive ourselves. (Romans 8:1).
Remind yourself, if necessary, that you have been forgiven and that you have been set free of any emotional bondage or self-construction emotional prison (John 8:38).
Think about what you are thinking about! Monitor your thoughts and self-talk. Seize the mental "pop-ups". When thoughts of self-condemnation pop-up--refute them with the word of God (2 Corinthians 10:5)
Make daily affirmations that are based on scriptures. It's the one thing that the enemy cannot stand. Satan hates the word of God! The more you speak it, the more he runs (Matthew 4:1-10)
Allow God to define you, not your experience! You are who God says you are! (Psalm 139:14)
Release the belief or negative emotion that has become attached and familiar to you. (Romans 12:2)
Embrace the love, nurturing, and acceptance of God. You are his child and he loves you! (Jeremiah 31:3)

Prayer:
Father, in the name of Jesus, we confess our sins before you and ask for your forgiveness. We thank you for lifting the burden of guilt, shame, self-condemnation, and unforgiveness. We grab hold of the truth of your word by faith. We renounce all negative self-talk and self-deprecating words. We send them back to the pit of hell. We embrace the beauty of your words. We only speak what you speak. If it is not pure, holy, true, kind, loving, edifying, wholesome, and liberating--we will not speak it. Thank you for the grace to monitor our conversations and our thoughts. Thank you for the grace to remove ourselves from negative and toxic environments that bring distress to our souls. Thank you for empowering us to be good to ourselves, as you desire that we live prosperous and abundant lives (John 10:10). In Jesus' name, amen and so be it according to your word!

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Boundary Setting for the Parentified

4/11/2017

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"Don’t move a boundary marker..."--Proverbs 23:10(CEV)

Understanding Boundaries
One of the most important, and arguably the most challenging, thing for someone who has experienced emotional incest is to establish healthy boundaries in relationships along the journey of healing and wellness. Why is setting boundaries important? It's important because during the formative childhood years, there was a crossing and blurring of boundary lines. For example, an adult forcing an adult-role on a child (as is the case in emotional incest) crosses a boundary. When a boundary is crossed, vulnerability, confusion, and distress settles in the heart of a child. It is not profitable to our overall well-being (spiritual, physical, emotional, relational) to not have boundaries in place.Violated boundaries may perpetuate co-dependency, enabling, and enmeshment.

Good News
Here's the good news: Boundaries are biblical! They ensure protection, safety, and homeostasis in our relationships. Consider Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. God established a boundary for them--do not eat of the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil" (Genesis 2:17). What happened? They crossed the boundary. There are countless other examples of the use of boundaries in the Bible.

The Bible also teaches us that when the boundary has been established--it is not to be moved, removed, or compromised (Proverbs 22:28). Boundaries are God's gift to us. They were established by him to perpetuate our spiritual freedom; thereby enabling us to enjoy mutually satisfying, healthy relationships and a full, abundant life (John 10:10)

Thoughts to Consider

Am I feeling angry, anxious, distressed , worried, uneasy, or vulnerable in my interactions?
Do I feel a sense of deja-vu or emotional violation when I am interacting with this person?
Am I attempting to meet an unmet need based on this interaction/relationship?
Am I feeling subtly manipulated to conform or respond in specific way?
Am I seeking to meet the approval of another so that I feel a sense of worth, value, or importance?
Am I being shamed into feeling a false sense of guilt to appease the need of another?

If you any of these questions resonated with you, it could be that boundary lines are being crossed or have been crossed. The warning signal you may be sensing in your spirit is a good thing! It's indicative of movement towards healing.

Taking Steps
As you meditate and pray on the word of God, it may be helpful to share your story with a counselor, pastor, etc. As you continue to take steps along your journey, the Holy Spirit will bring the need for boundaries into perspective and normalcy. He will help you evaluate your role in any given relationship.

It may also be useful to monitor the ways in which you care for yourself. Self-care is vital for adults with a history of parentification. It's easy to become overly preoccupied with caring for the needs of others. Yes, we are called to care for one another, but not to the point that our own basic human needs go grossly unmet. Operating at such a deficit is not God's way, and it does not bring him glory.

"Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well."-- 3 John 1:2(NIV)

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Overcoming Sorrow and Disappointment

4/7/2017

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"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”--John 16:33(NLT)

Life can get messy and complicated. There are times when even our most well-crafted plans go awry. Unforeseen challenges, obstacles, and flat-out "drama" can shake us to the core, leaving us in a bewildering state of despair. Have you ever experienced such overwhelming sorrow and disappointment that you find yourself hopelessly searching for the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel? If so, you are not alone. Consider the laments and woe of King David:

"Hear my prayer, O Lord, And let my cry come to You. Do not hide Your face from me in the day of my trouble; Incline Your ear to me; In the day that I call, answer me speedily. For my days are consumed like smoke, And my bones are burned like a hearth. My heart is stricken and withered like grass, So that I forget to eat my bread. Because of the sound of my groaning My bones cling to my skin. I am like a pelican of the wilderness; I am like an owl of the desert. I lie awake, And am like a sparrow alone on the housetop.."--Psalm 102:1-7(NKJV)

Ouch! Right? David is describing some real sorrow and disappointment. His emotions are so raw, he says his heart is withered like grass. It's so bad, he has lost his appetite. He describes himself as a lonely sparrow on a housetop. That's an honest description of real emotional pain. So, how do we emerge and overcome when we find ourselves in a low place, encapsulated in pain and hurt? David gives us a key:

"My soul melts from heaviness; Strengthen me according to Your word."--Psalm 119:28 (NKJV)

One of the ways we overcome sorrow and disappointment is through the word of God. God's word is our compass. It's our guide for traversing life's hurdles and challenges (Psalm 119:105). God's word is Spirit and life (John 6:33). God's word is also quick and alive (Hebrews 4:12). When we speak God's word we are spiritually strengthened, empowered, and rejuvenated.

Another key to overcoming sorrow and disappointment is to remember Jesus' teachings:

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”--John 16:33(NLT)

In his infinite wisdom, love, and desire that we live a full, abundant, prosperous life (John 10:10), Jesus tells us that things will not always be peaches and cream. We will have challenges and difficulties. There will be times that our hearts are overwhelmed. We will face disappointments. We will feel sorrow. But, we are assured peace in Christ. And, because He has overcome--His power, which is at work in us, gives us the ability to be overcomers too! This is such good news. Sorrow and disappointment need not consume us and zap us of our energy, vitality, and hope. We have a lively hope that comes through Jesus Christ (I Peter 1:3).

As we approach Holy Week (Palm Sunday, Good Friday, Easter Sunday), may we all remember the gift that Christ Jesus has given each of us--the gift of eternal life, of course. But, also the capacity to overcome and live victorious lives because of his power at work in each of us (Ephesians 3:20).

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It Starts with a Dream

Overcoming Self-Condemnation and Unforgiveness

Boundary Setting for the Parentified

Overcoming Sorrow and Disappointment

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