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Oh, the Busybody!

5/30/2017

"For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies."-- 2 Thessalonians 3:11(KJV)

Busybodies. Perhaps most of us would attribute this nomenclature to mothers-in-law, but busybodies can be found just about anywhere--the office, the neighborhood, and yes, even the church! Such a label or character trait is not favorable. When we hear the word "busybody" it can easily make one cringe; perhaps this is why God addresses this characteristic in the Bible.

In 2 Thessalonians 3:11 busybody in the Greek (G4020) is periergazomai meaning one who bustles about uselessly busying one's self about in trifling useless matters; used to describe a person inquisitive about the affairs of others.

You may be asking, What's the big deal? Some people are naturally curious. Well, it's a pretty big deal to God. Unsolicited intrusion, prying, and snooping into the affairs of others can cause serious damage. Consider the following:

Effects of Unsolicited Meddling/Prying
1. Weakens/destroys relationships
2. Violates trust and confidence
3. Suggests perceived inadequacy or inability in another
4. Insults and offends the recipient
5. May constrict, hinders or retard growth in another

How to Deal with a Busybody
1. Set/establish boundaries
2. Change the subject or conversation
3. Try not to take the meddling personally--this is the busybody's "way" or style of relating with most people
4. Give simple, but direct responses like, "I'm sorry but that is personal" or "That is none of your business".
5. Evaluate your involvement. Are you talking too much or divulging too much information? This invites more intrusion.

If You are the Busybody
1. Consider why you are prying.
2. Examine your heart. Identify your motives for snooping.
3. Avoid asking probing, intrusive questions--even if you are prone to curiosity.
4. Exercise verbal restraint.
5. Employ the help of Holy Spirit
6. Give people space to learn and grow.
7. Afford others the opportunity to ask for help--don't just assume your help is desired

I remember as a child hearing "old school" apply a creed for living:

"I got six months to mind my own business and six months to leave yours alone. I ain't heard nothin' and I ain't seen nothin', 'cause I got six months to mind my own business and six months to leave yours alone!"

For more information on this topic, tune in to our latest podcast,
"The Busybody".

Also, click on the button below to read our article on another challenging personality, "The Know It All".

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Neuroplasticity and Transgenerational Patterns

5/23/2017

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"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."--Romans 12:2

Transgenerational patterns are characteristics, traits, mindsets, and beliefs generally found in families that transfer from one generation to the next. Typically, they are fixed styles of relating, thinking, and interacting that are difficult to dislodge because they've been around for a long time.

Families are interesting; they are a culture all their own. Not all are problematic. For example, when my husband and I first got married, we each brought our family traits and styles with us. It was very interesting to observe how his family operated and interacted as a distinct unit. Holiday dinners at his home were a more formal setting than holiday dinners at my family home, which were a more relaxed buffet-style. Neither was right or wrong or preferable over the other--they were just different.

But when fixed family patterns and traits inhibit our individual growth? When our promise for the abundant, prosperous, satisfying life (John 10:10) is compromised because of an unhealthy or skewed way of thinking that stems from our families of origin? What about the mindsets that we have embraced merely by virtue of the environment in which we have grown? What about the things that simply "land" on us atmospherically?

I recall a college classmate who specifically sought out boyfriends with financial means. She would manipulate these young men into buying her clothes, paying her bills, and giving her money when needed. She learned this from her mother and other women in her family. Yet, I'm also certain that in her early childhood years, no one took her by the hand and said, "Hey, listen little Susie, we use men to fund whatever we want, okay?" Sounds silly right? No, this was a learned behavior. She was a product of her environment and the things she observed.

So, how do we change or "renew" our minds when we are addressing transgenerational patterns? We employ the same scripture base that we use when we want to overcome a personal habit or mindset that is erroneous--Romans 12:2. This is a scripture that specifically speaks to what science identifies as NEUROPLASTICITY. Even when we are dealing with transgenerational patterns that are old, ancient, fixed methodologies change is still possible when we activate the word of God in our lives! We can build new neuropathways and change habits, patterns, and mindsets no matter how long they have been around. This is good news! You could be the change agent for your family that God is tapping on the shoulder. Yes, you! Why not you? Being a change agent to bring liberty and freedom to your family and future generations is quite a legacy. It does not matter if you come from a family line of alcoholics, manipulators, liars, avoiders, pessimists, etc. nothing is impossible or too hard for you to do when you have the power and the Spirit of God at work in your life!

Acknowledge the transgenerational pattern. Desire change. Renew your mind with the word of God. Put in the hard work and be the change you want to see in your family. Let it begin with you!

For more information on Neuroplasticity and the Renewed Mind, click on the button below to read our featured article.

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The Story of Rizpah--A Note to Encourage the Hurting Mom

5/13/2017

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"Then Rizpah daughter of Aiah, the mother of two of the men, spread burlap on a rock and stayed there the entire harvest season."--2 Samuel 21:10(NLT)

The story of Rizpah is a heart-wrenching account of the depths of a mother's love even in the face of unspeakable tragedy and heartbreak. When you have an opportunity, please take some time to read it. In a nutshell, Rizpah was one of King Saul's concubines. After King Saul violated a long-standing agreement with the Gibeonites, the Gibeonites would only be appeased by the execution of Saul's sons. This meant Rizpah's two sons and five of Saul's other sons were publically executed and hanged. After their deaths, Rizpah alone stood by her slain sons for five months valiantly fighting off scavenging birds and wild beasts from eating the decomposing, rotting corpses.

If there is any encouragement from this horrible story, in my opinion, it would be that Rizpah's acts did not go unnoticed. In fact, her efforts were brought to King David's attention. When David heard how Rizpah guarded her slain children for five months, he ordered their bodies be brought down from the mount and properly buried. I wonder what this did for Rizpah's heart?

This blog post may not apply to everyone, perhaps only a select few. But as I reflect on the story of Rizpah, I think about the modern-day Rizpahs. The moms who may go unnoticed, unrecognized, forgotten, and uncelebrated but nonetheless committed to valiantly fighting for a child. Perhaps there is a mom out there whose child is prodigal or spiritually lost. The mom of a heroin addict. The mom of an incarcerated child. The mom of an estranged son or daughter. Perhaps there is a mom fighting for the memory of a child--a child stillborn or miscarried. Perhaps a military mom whose son or daughter has given the ultimate sacrifice. The mom of a child lost at the hand of violence or terror.

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, we come before you with great humility and sensitivity for those moms who may be hurting today for any number of reasons. We thank you that you are the God of abundant mercy, grace, and compassion. You look at us with eyes of love and acceptance. Even when we may have been ostracized or forgotten by people, we are not forgotten of you. You continually beckon us to come close to you. Only you know the depths of hurt, pain, and despair, and sorrow. Only you know the silent tears that have been cried in the darkness of night. Thank you that those tears have not gone unnoticed. Thank you for bottling each and every tear that has been shed according to your word in Psalm 56:8.

We come interceding for moms who may be riddled with guilt and shame. Moms who have experienced unspeakable humiliation, scorn, judgment, and ridicule. We pray that you would minister healing. We pray for moms who have been robbed of sleep due to worry, tormenting thoughts, nightmares, and night terrors. We pray that you would minister peace.

God, we know that there are things we cannot change, but yet the pain remains. Please pour out your Spirit upon each every mom. Give them what they need. Every need is different, but you, in your infinite wisdom know what is needed. Heal every wound. Bind every hut. Arrest the spirit of self-blame, accusation, despair, hopelessness, rage, unresolved hurt and anger. Speak peace to every heart. We receive your comfort, your love, and hope. In Jesus' name, amen and so be it according to your word.

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A New Prayer Community!

5/11/2017

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"But we will give ourselves continually to prayer..."--Acts 6:4

We are excited to announce our new Facebook prayer support group,
"Praying Hearts Community Prayer Group"! This is a place where we can come together with prayers and intercessions as one body in Christ in biblical
community.

We encourage and invite you to post your prayer requests, as well as your praise reports within our new community!

Click on the button below to go the Praying Hearts Community Prayer Groups.

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Family Secrets

5/2/2017

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"For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light."--Mark 4:22(NLT)

Years ago, I recall creating a Family Crest/Coat of Arms as a school project. Hearing classmates share their family history--heritage, ancestry, traditions, etc. was very fascinating. As each of us presented our Family Crest before the class, the sense of individual family pride was evident.

Truth be told, most of us celebrate some aspect of our genealogy. We are fascinated, albeit, curious about our family history. Perhaps this is why we solicit the help of ancestry websites and programs to trace our lineage. But, what do we do when there are things that have occurred in our families of origin that we wish to forget? Are they ever really forgotten? How are future generations impacted by family pact to remain silent?

Someone once shared with me the story of a family that had lost a female loved one at young age (early 30s). For years, the family indicated that the cause of the young woman's death was pneumonia. Years later it was revealed that this young woman had actually been murdered by her boyfriend. It's a painfully, tragic true story. And guess what? This family is not alone.

For many families, there's a fixed rule to "protect" the family and maintain secrets at all costs. Why? Is it due to guilt, shame, embarrassment, hurt, pain? Whatever the reason secrets can be harmful because they haunt and torment. When we harbor family secrets we are perpetuating a legacy of generational bondage, hiding, and avoidance that becomes cyclical. Through our emotional bondage, hiding, and avoidance we teach the next generation unhealthy patterns and ways of coping.

But, there is good news! Cyclical/generational bondage can be broken we talk about the secrets. When secrets are exposed, they lose their energy and power over our lives. The weight of darkness and oppression is lifted. We leave a posterity of freedom from the bondage of family secrets for future generations when we make a decision to yank the covers off the darkness that has cloaked the family line.

You may be thinking, This sounds scary and threatening. Or, I don't think this will go over well with my family. Well, I can agree with you on those thoughts. Every family has its own culture, language, and style of relating. They are the ingredients that make each family unique. These components also make families/family dynamics tricky and difficult to navigate at times. Therefore, we want to approach the area of family secrets prayerfully and with great prudence, discretion, care, and wisdom. The object is not to wound, hurt, or bruise anyone--but rather offer an opportunity for the family unit to experience liberty, health, and wholeness. Psalm 133 assures us that this is possible to achieve, and when we experience this aspect of health and resilience we move into a new level of familial blessings.

If this subject resonates with you, may I encourage you before moving forward to solicit the counsel of your pastor, clergy member, counselor, or therapist. Be prayerful. Inquire of God. Seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Family is God's idea; and within each family is the capacity to love and be loved well.

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Oh, the Busybody!

Neuroplasticity and Transgenerational Patterns

The Story of Rizpah--A Note to Encourage the Hurting Mom

A New Prayer Community!

Family Secrets

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