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Childhood Emotional Neglect and Existential Fear/Terror

4/11/2022

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Do you remember the scene in the movie, The Help, in which Abilene, the "help" asks little Mae if she remembers what she told her as she is about to leave the family's home after being terminated?  You may recall that in response to Abilene's question, Mae dutifully nods and recites the mantra Abilene taught her, "You is good, you is kind, you is important."  It is arguably one of the most important scenes in the movie on many levels. 

Abilene speaks into the life of a child who has seemingly gone unknown and unnoticed by her mother.  Abilene, observed the emotional neglect that was occurring.  As a result, she lovingly, purposefully, and intentionally validated the existence and importance of this little one.  She acknowledged Mae's existence as a human being with a destiny, dreams, goals, ambitions, independent thoughts, feelings, gifts, talents, and emotions.  Abilene saw Mae as one who needed love, protection, and security. Abilene understood, with great empathy as one who endured a lifetime of being overlooked and invalidated, as well as one living in perpetual fear and terror, that Mae needed a sense of self, safety, purpose, and identity.  One of the most painful scenes in the movie is to watch little Mae bang on the window pleading for Abilene to come back as her mother looks on, ignoring the tearful pleas of her daughter.  Thank God for the seeds of worth, value, and importance that Abilene planted in Mae's young heart.


For so many of us, there was no proverbial Abilene to fill in the gap where a parent or parents were emotionally unavailable.  No one who moved toward us with empathy, kindness, and compassion. This is devastating for a child and more often than not, the negative long term effects of such are numerous.  However, for the purpose of this blog, we're focusing on existential fear.

Having our basic needs met as children produces a vibrant and thriving childhood that is a launching pad into our future.  Conversely, when our basic needs are not met the opposite is true.  We often limp into our adulthood journey meandering through a web of uncertainty, confusion, and doubt.  There is no sense of self, because the self was not developed or recognized.  This reality produces fear, terror, and endless questions about what is true, what is real, what is authentic--especially as it relates to the self; our human experience.

The detrimental effects of existential fear, often the byproduct of emotional neglect in our childhood, cannot be underscored enough. Those who have experienced emotional neglect, emotional abuse, or were emotionally orphaned may not feel a sense of self as it was not cultivated in the childhood experience.  Walking through childhood feeling "unknown" is daunting, abysmal, and tumultuously terrifying.  It can render one feeling lost and invisible, desiring to be known--while being unseen.  It may translate to, "See me, know me...so that I may know and understand myself."

​This is what Abilene modeled for young Mae.  Her kindness, gentle rearing, compassion--while offering a sense of safety and protection, could be translated to May as, "I see you.  I know you.  I like what I see--you are good, your are kind, you are important."  Those are words of life that fuel, invigorate, and inspire.  It is in that context that curiosity is sparked, pensive "Why?" questions about our world are asked, and critical thinking is evoked.  Those simple, yet poignant affirmations build trust, cultivate hope, and inspire dreams and goals moving one toward self realization.

So, what is the good news in all of this?  The good news is that it is possible to move beyond fear and terror, even if we have been emotionally orphaned.  Someone once shared an overwhelming fear of death. This fear was ruminated upon and caused great anxiety.  The fear was so overwhelming that there was a tremendous fear about even talking about the fear, however this was the genesis of victory: overcoming the fear of talking about the fear.  It takes tremendous courage and strength for an adult, emotionally orphaned, as a child to verbalize fear and terror.  

If any of this resonates with you, be encouraged by the word of God:
  • God promises to undo all that has afflicted us (Zephaniah 3:19)
  • Nothing is too hard for God (Jeremiah 32:27)
  • God has not given us the spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7)
  • God has given us life to enjoy (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13)
  • We are promised a peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:6)

​
Prayer,
Father, in the name of Jesus, we thank you that all of your promises are yes and amen.  Thank you that no matter what emotional neglect or abandonment we experienced as children, it does not change your promises toward us.  No matter how long we have walked in abject fear in terror, by the power and might of your word, all that has afflicted us can be undone because nothing is too hard for you.  We exchange fear and terror and receive your peace that passes all understanding.  Thank you for giving us a life to enjoy.  Thank you for igniting a new sense of hope.  Thank you that you have given us an opportunity to draw joyfully from the wells of salvation (Isaiah 12:3).  Amen

​
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An Ongoing Work

3/31/2022

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​Have you ever started a project that was left unfinished?  Most of us, if we are honest, would raise our hand.  Myself included. (Presently, there is an unfinished painting that I may or may not complete.) ​Projects go unfinished for any number of reasons:  boredom, too time consuming, another project takes it place, loss of interest, overwhelmed by it, etc.  Many of us were taught by our parents to "finish what you start".  That is a sound principle and a goal that we, for all intents and purposes aspire to do, however there may be times that things do not go as planned.  Human nature kicks in, and projects go unfinished. 

For some of us, an unfinished work can evoke a myriad of feelings--frustration, guilt, sadness, disappointment, anxiety, and so one.  We may spiral into negative self-talk, laden with self-blaming, self-condemnation, and ridicule.  We may even blame others for our inability to bring a project to completion.

In Philippians 1:6, Paul describes believers as God's work. The beautiful and encouraging promise that we receive from this text is that we can place our confidence in the biblical truth that God will complete the work that he has begun in our lives.  The good news is that if you are a born-again Christian, then God has begun a GOOD work in you!  No matter where you are in your journey or what you may be struggling to overcome, God will complete the work he has started in your life.  He will never leave you unfinished.  He is a God of mercy, patience, grace, kindness, and understanding.  

Consider Paul, the writer of the Philippians, and his backstory.  We first learn of Paul in Acts 9.  Prior to his conversion, Paul was called Saul.  He persecuted Christians.  He was ruthless and cruel in his acts.  Yet, one supernatural encounter with Jesus changed his life forever.  No longer was he known as Saul.  He was converted inwardly and outwardly.  "Paul" was now a follower of Christ.  Would you say that God had begun a "good work" in him?  Scripture tells us that there is no respect of person with God (Romans 2:11).  What he did in Saul/Paul's life, he can and will do in ours. 

One of our greatest challenges as believers may be simply believing the aforementioned truth.  It may be challenging to embrace this truth because we often align our reasoning with feelings and logic, present realities, past experiences, behaviors, and perceived failures and short-comings.  If that is the case, it may be prudent to remember that we are not God and God is not us.  We do not operate from the same plane.  He is The Almighty, the great I AM.  His ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9).  Are you able to embrace this truth by faith?  Are you able to confidently say, "Yes and amen!" (2 Corinthians 1:20) to the word of God as it relates to your life at this present moment? 

​Paul notes that we are "being confident". This is a perpetual state of being fully persuaded that God has begun a good work.  When we feel as though we are at an emotional standstill or have even taken a few steps back, it is in those moments that it is needful to remind ourselves of the promise in Philippians 1:6.  Because the work is not yet finished, our confidence must be continually activated. 

There may be days in which we do not get it right, we drop the ball, we miss the mark--those are the moments to lean into the promises of God, bring our brokenness to The Father with heartfelt repentance (Psalm 51:17), renew our minds (Romans 12:2), and get back up (Proverbs 24:16).  In so doing, we will experience victory (I John 5:4).

​
Prayer

Father, in the name of Jesus, thank you for your word that gives life and illumination.  Thank you that for every human experience, we can look to your word for understanding, help, solutions, encouragement, and inspiration.  Thank you for never leaving us alone to figure things out for ourselves.  Thank you for the guidance that your word provides.  Thank you for the gentle nudges of your Holy Spirit to lead and instruct.  Thank you for our Savior who accomplished all on the Cross so that we may experience life to the full (John 10:10).  Father, we pray that you would renew our confidence in your eternal promises, renew our hope, renew our expectation, renew our zeal and thirst after righteousness.  Thank you for beginning a good work in us.  We trust and believe by faith that you will complete what you have started in our lives.  In Jesus' name, Amen.
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The Vastness of God's Love

1/28/2022

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One of the greatest challenges in our journey of faith may be fully embracing the foundational truth that we are immensely and immeasurably loved by our Heavenly Father.  Perhaps one of the reasons for this internal struggle may be that in our limited human experience, we equate the Divine God's love with our personal interpretation of love. 

​Most often our interpretation of love is derived from our experiences.  Experiences shape our perspective and outlook on life, and it generally happens in our childhood years.  Did we or did we not experience love, acceptance, warmth, security, and nurturing from our parent(s) or parental figures?  Were we known, understood, seen, heard, guided, protected?  Did we feel safe, secure, nurtured, and cared for?   Who spoke into our lives?  Were we encouraged, supported, taught, and lovingly corrected? Who was attuned to our emotions?  Who helped us navigate difficult emotions and feelings like fear, worry, doubt, sadness, anger, grief, etc.?  Who celebrated our accomplishments or met our happiness, joy, contentment with like emotional expression? Who helped us process our emotions and experiences in a healthy manner?  
Answers to these questions and countless others may, in fact, determine our life's trajectory.  It may also give us insight on how we view God.

We are God's creation (Genesis 1:27), created in his image and likeness.  Looking to The Father affords us a greater understanding of who we are, and moreover, who we are in him (Acts 17:28).  The closer we get to him, the closer he gets to us (James 4:8).  As we cultivate a relationship with God, we will soon discover the vastness of his love.  His love cannot be measured or searched.  It is deeply mysterious for our finite and limited understanding to fully grasp (Isaiah 40:28-31, Ephesians 3:18). Many live in unnecessary torment and unspeakable pain, shame, regret, humiliation, and embarrassment as a result of past experiences.  Understandably, it is hard to receive the good news of the gospel when one is navigating challenging feelings.  But, feelings do not negate the truth of the tenets of scriptures.  God is love (I John 4:8) and in him there is shadow of turning (James 1:7).  These are foundational truths that we must receive by faith when logic and experiences are internally warring against us.

If you are struggling to embrace the truth of God's love for you, may I encourage you to pursue a closer relationship with him?  Relationships take time to develop, so devote time to get to know God.  Consider daily devotions that include a time to read, study, contemplate, and pray a passage of scripture.  Mindfully meditate on the word of God.  Find yourself in his word.  For example, a familiar passage of scripture is John 3:16.   

"For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John 3:16 AMP)

As you prayerfully and contemplatively read and meditate on this scripture, see yourself in it.  "For God so loved_______( your name) that He gave His only Son."  Consider the depth and vastness of such love--just for you.  How does that impact you?  Are you able to receive this foundational truth?  If not, why?  If you answered no and are not sure why this is so, do not be discouraged.  Keep cultivating a relationship with God; the entrance of his word brings light (Psalm 119:130).  He will give understanding and deeper revelation.

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, thank you for the vastness of your love.  Thank you that although my experiences of love may not always been good or positive, I thank you for the truths of your word.  Thank you that your love is vast and unsearchable.  I receive the truths of your word by faith.  I pray that you would birth a hunger and a desire to pursue cultivating a deeper relationship with you. I receive the truths of the vastness of your love by faith. Amen.



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Hold On

1/14/2022

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​"Let us seize 
and hold tightly the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is reliable and trustworthy and faithful [to His word]..."
--Hebrews 10:23 (AMP)

  
Have you ever gone mountain climbing or rock climbing?  If so, then you are aware of the process of preparing for the climb.  In order to have a successful climb, one must be "geared up".  I can remember an occasion in which I took my daughters rock climbing.  As an observer, I was intrigued by the process of them getting prepared to climb a huge rock wall.  The instructor gave a brief tutorial and helped them get into their climbing gear.  Once properly harnessed, they began to scale the wall.  Based on their attempts, I quickly concluded that this is one of those sports that is harder than it looks!  It times strategy, thought, planning, strength, and the right attitude.  There were instances in which my girls slipped, lost their footing, or had difficulty reaching the next level.  However, what was most intriguing was their resolve to recalibrate and try again and again after slipping.  After a few failed attempts I noticed that they were beginning to approach the rock wall differently.  Rather than rushing to race to the top, their movements became more strategic, methodical, and thoughtful.  They began to take their time and the enjoy the experience of a gradual, but steady assent.  Once their perspective changed, everything about their rock climbing experience changed.  

We can correlate this physical rock climbing experience to our walk of faith.  Life can be challenging and difficult at times, but our approach to adversity determines our assent.  As it relates to the rock wall, I saw some people never make it off the ground and become so frustrated that they simply quit.  Others continued to steadily climb until they reached the top of the wall.

How many of us give up because things just seem too hard? This is the opposite of what the Bible teaches.  Hebrews 10:23 encourages us to hold on, or grasp tightly, to our faith; our hope.  We are encouraged to hold on to our faith with all of our might without loosening our grip.  We do this because there is a promise on the other side of our faith--a promise from God that he will do what he said because he is reliable, trustworthy, and faithful to his word.

As you climb the proverbial rock wall of life, what are you climbing toward?  As you climb, is your faith rooted and grounded in the word of God?  Are your eyes focused on the Lord?  Be mindful to thank God for where you are.  Trust him for where you are going to be.  Purpose to have a heart of gratitude.  Activate the gift of faith in your life to continue on.  Strive to have a positive and joyful countenance; Proverbs 18:14 reminds us that the spirit of a man will sustain him when he is sick, but no one can bear a broken spirit.  

Remember I shared that my girls slipped a few times during their rock climb?  What kept them from falling was their climbing harness.  The climbing harness is what secures the climber to the anchor point.  The Good News for us as believers is that we already have our spiritual climbing gear on board in our lives.  When Christ is our anchor and we are rooted in the word of God, we can scale the heights (Psalm 18:33)!  

​If you are struggling in your faith today, be encouraged and refreshed by the word of God.  Purpose to meditate on the truths of scripture that God is reliable and trustworthy.  He does not go back on his word.  What he said he will do (based upon his word) is an assurity, simply receive it and do not let it go.

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, thank you for the gift of faith that enables me to keep moving and striving to live life to the full (John 10:10).  Help me to meditate on the truths of your word so that they resound in my mind and in my heart.  May I live a life that is ever mindful of who you are and the power of your word at work in my life.  I receive the promises of your word by faith, now.  "My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise." (Psalm 57:7)
.  Thank you for enduring hope and a heart that is steadfast before you.  In Jesus' name, Amen.
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A Biblical Guide to Self-Love

12/14/2021

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"...Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."--Matthew 22:39 (KJV)
Have you ever considered the connection between how we love others and how we love ourselves?  It is a biblical truth that may be worth introspection and and contemplation.  In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus ministers on love. It is a foundational principle that encompasses every aspect of life--the way in which we relate to God, others, and ourselves.  It beckons us to consider, if we are to love others as we love ourselves, how are we doing in the area of self-love? 

The concept of self-love may be challenging for some, particularly those who have endured abuse, neglect, rejection, or abandonment.  These experiences often send a message that one is not loved or is not lovable, which in turn often dictate the way in which we care for self. Thereby rendering self-love seemingly elusive and unachievable.  This erroneous thinking can become the root of harmful and negative behaviors, choices, and decisions.

If you are struggling in the area of self-love, may I encourage you with the word of God?  God is love (I John 4:7-8). He has loved us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).  He so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son (John 3:16).  This love is unconditional and eternal.  God does not rescind his love.  It never ceases (Lamentations 3:22-23).  May we lean into these scriptures and receive the love of God.  In so doing, it will enable us to walk in self-love.


Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, we thank you for your Word.  We thank you for your love.  Although it may be challenging for us to fully understand the depth of your love, we receive it by faith.  We pray that you would renew our minds and uproot false and erroneous thinking that has been seeded by negative experiences that have wounded our souls and brought great distress to our lives.  We pray for your healing now.  Give us the grace to make the volitional decision to practice self-love as we receive your love that is shed abroad in our hearts.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

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Robbed of Wide-Eyed Wonder

10/26/2021

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For many adults who have experienced parentification or emotional incest as a child, it may be difficult to fully embrace the tenets of Scripture.  Receiving and appropriating the word of God in our lives requires a level of vulnerability and humility--a "child-like faith".  The wide-eyed wonder that ideally accompanies youth; a sense of awe, curiosity, excitement, and trust which is often absent from the life of a parentified child as the cares of life simply do not afford such whimsy. It is largely everything that is counterintuitive and illogical to the parentified soul who has been thrust into adult-like roles and responsibilities, not just based upon an adult's/adults' expectation, but for mere survival.  It may be challenging to relinquish the tightly held reins of survival and allow one's self to present as a child before our loving Father.  Yet, to move forward this a needful part of the journey to wholeness.

To consider what it looks like to dismantle these deeply intertwined, protective layers, may be extremely terrifying--yet the consideration of such is evidence of a heart that is attune to inner longings, unmet needs, and a quiet hope that care, help, and healing is available.  It is grappling with that flicker, that spark of curiosity that activates a heart in pursuit of something more.  "What would happen if I took God at his Word?"  "What does it look like to come to Jesus as a child?" This internal pondering is fruitful and indicative that meaningful change is emerging.  

​The Good News is that the answer to all of our deep, soulish questions is found in the word of God.  Therefore, what would happen if you took God at his Word?  Answer:  You would encounter his lovingkindness and find refuge for your soul (Psalm 36:7).  You would encounter peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6).  You would find healing for your soul wounds (Psalm 147:3).  You would discover who God says you are (Psalm 139:14), not who you were conditioned to become. You would find joy unspeakable (I Peter 1:8) and so much more.

If you are an adult who has experienced parentification and are quietly enduring or nursing the wounds this traumatizing childhood pain brings, may I encourage you to pursue God for yourself (Jeremiah 29:13)?  May I suggest that you give yourself  permission to be vulnerable and transparent before him just as so many people in the Bible had done (Psalm 30:2, Matthew 26:6-13, Luke 8:43-48, etc.)?  When they were faced with a need, they went to The Solution!  Please do not take my word for it, search out the scriptures for yourself.  You will see countless examples of how God met and ministered to people at their point of need.  You will find that he tenderly mends the brokenness and heals the wounds of the afflicted soul in a compassionate and individualized way.  

​Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, we thank you for your word.  Thank you that your word gives light and understanding (Psalm 119:130).  You lead us out of dark places with your illuminating word.  You give us insight into our history and experiences.  You lead us onto a path of healing and wholeness.  Thank you that we are fully known by you
(I Corinthians 13:12) and fully loved with your everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).  We pray that you would endow us with your supernatural grace that enables us to come before you like a child.  We bring our despair, our wounds, our fears, and our worries before you.  We receive your peace, your healing, and your comfort in exchange.  Fill us with your love and strength as we seek you with our whole hearts.  Thank you for filling every void.  Thank you for supplying every unmet need. Thank you for gently caring for the wounds of our souls. Thank you for restoring our wide-eyed wonder, in Jesus' name. Amen.



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The Sun of Righteousness

10/10/2021

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"For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly, shall be stubble: and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith the Lord of hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch.
2 But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and ye shall go forth, and grow up as calves of the stall.
3 And ye shall tread down the wicked; for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet in the day that I shall do this, saith the Lord of hosts."
--Malachi 4:1-3(KJV) 

 

From time to time, I have been blessed to have my mother, Patricia Marriott, share as a guest contributor to our blog. This time is no exception.  She is a sage--a woman of faith who has been no stranger to the adversity, challenges, and difficulties that we all face in life.  Yet, she is an example of resilience, fortitude, hope, and optimism.  She is known as "Mom Pat" to most.  I would imagine that this is due to her calm, nurturing demeanor that brings comfort, reassurance, and that "everything is going to be alright" vibe to those who cross her path.  Her petite stature is but a mere facade.  One would be mistaken to presume that you are interacting with anything less of a mighty warrior who reveres and stands behind a The Almighty God. 

As you read this post--this prophetic, "You got this!" pep talk, consider who has written it and Who she is writing about.  It is not conjecture or pontification.  It is personal and experiential.  Would you allow yourself to be blessed and encouraged by Mom Pat's words of faith?  No matter what you are facing, there is hope!  There is victory!  This is the Word of God.

"The Sun of Righteousness"
        Behold, the day cometh!

Shared by Patricia A. Marriott
These are the promises of God, based upon his word in Malachi 4.  Read the chapter in its entirety and receive them by faith!
  • God Almighty will burn them up.  What is the "them"?  The enemy, sickness, disease, emotional pain, physical pain, financial woes, family situations.  They will not remain.
  • There is healing for those who fear the name of the Lord.  There is a cure!
  • Revere the name of the Lord.
  • Just like the "YIELD" sign that we see on the road, we must heed to oncoming traffic.  When the traffic is clear we can proceed.  You can proceed on the right path in your journey to get your cure, remedy, deliverance; to become sound and whole.  
  • You will be like that young well-fed calf able to trample, stomp, and tread on whatever ails you.
  • You will be able to do so with a happy, merry spirit.  Your healing has come.  Your reward form the Sun of Righteousness is coming eastward bringing your healing, health, and prosperity!

​
Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, we thank you for your word.  It is our compass for life and living.  It is rich and abundant with lively hope.  We anchor our faith in the truths of scripture--that you are not a man that you should lie (Numbers 23:19).  You will do what you said. You are eternal, infallible, and immutable.  Long before we were conceived in our mother's womb, you knew us.  You had a plan for our lives (Jeremiah 1).  You also knew that we would face trials and hardships in life, but you encouraged us to be of good cheer (John 16:33), because you had already overcome anything we will face in this journey.  So, we thank you for the love, hope, and peace that you have implanted in our hearts.  Thank you that we live life from a vantage point of expectation and the resolve of a champion.  Thank you for godly sages like Mom Pat, who are living epistles (2 Corinthians 3:1-3) that your word is true.  May we be encouraged by their example.  We pray for our elders and ask that you continue to bless them.  In Jesus' name, Amen.


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Mom Pat with her grandbabies
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Run...or Walk...Your Race

8/4/2021

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I recently had an opportunity to participate in a Charity 5kRun/Walk.  This event, The Jazmine T. Bryant Brighter Day Fund, was founded in honor of its namesake with a purpose to bring awareness to mental health.  The topic of mental health has been shrouded by stigma, avoidance, and minimization--yet it is an important aspect of overall health and well-being that warrants attention and care.

Although I did not run in this race, I proudly represented the walkers! It was a beautiful, uncharacteristically cool, almost chilly, Saturday for late July in New Jersey. There was excitement in the atmosphere as the runners and walkers stretched, chatted, and watched the countdown clock at the starting line.  At 8am on the dot, the run/walk began.

I enjoy the peace and beauty of nature, so for me, the walk soon became a sensory experience--the smell of the fresh air, hearing the birds chirping, gazing up out the clouds in the sky as the sun intermittently peeked through them, feeling the terrain under my feet.  And then, it became a spiritual experience.  Since I was a walker, I had been using the runners as my guide.  However, it was not long before I lost sight of them and got off course.  But, I continued as I continued to walk I saw an orange cone along the path that read, "THIS WAY".  An internal sigh of relief coupled with reassurance that I was on the right path waved over me.  Shortly thereafter, I saw some of the event coordinators/volunteers in the distance.  They were clapping and cheering for the event participants, "C'mon, keep going!  You got this!  Yeah!!!"  Hearing those words fueled me, as I'm sure it did for the others who were running or walking. 

Before I knew it, I was at the 1.5K marker.  As a walker, I had the option of stopping there or continuing.  I was not ready to stop, so I decided to keep going!  As I walked, I could hear the sound of runners behind me, then next to me, and then I could see them pass me until they were out of view.  Because this event was in a park, there were benches along the way. I thought to myself, "Wow...this run is a lot like life."  There may be times in which it seems as though everyone is running past us or we are moving at a snail's pace.  There may be "convenient" places to sit and watch (with admiration, envy, criticism, etc.) others run by or, we can run/walk our best race.  Everyone's race is different, but we all have been afforded the same opportunity to get in the game.

At this point, I had hit the 3.5K marker.  My hoodie was now tied around my waist and I was starting to feel the burn in my legs.  I wondered if I had made the right choice to keep going.  I was getting hot, tired, hungry, thirsty, and sweaty.  But, I was too far into the race to stop or turn back; I had to keep going.  As I wrestled with my thoughts, I could see a table with cups of water and sports drinks.  There was also another cheering squad, "Would you like some water?  You got this!  You're almost done!"  I scooped up a small cup of a turquoise-blue sports drink, smiled and nodded at the encouragement, and continued on. 

​Not too much longer after that, I could hearing music playing and I knew the finish line was close.  I began to feel overwhelmed on so many levels.  I had never participated in a run/walk, so this was a new experience for me. As I crossed the finish line, there was a cheering squad, a table with fresh fruit, bottles of water, and energy bars.  I felt a sense of accomplishment. I was felt grateful for the opportunity to support an extremely important cause.  And, I was in awe of God as I was able to see him through it all. This filled me with wonder, reverence, and contemplation. It put life, the importance of community, the human need of care and compassion, as well as pursuit of a deeper, more meaningful relationship with God in a new perspective.  We need each other and the richness of community that enhances the beauty of life (Psalm 133).  And, we need a Savior, who affords us the opportunity to experience life to the full (John 10:10).  That is not to say that we will not experience hardships, challenges, difficulties, hurt, pain, and struggles, but through Christ, it is possible to overcome them (John 16:33).

May we all make a volitional decision to relate to our brothers and sisters with kindness, care, empathy, and compassion.  And, if we are struggling internally, may we seek and receive help knowing that we are all journeying through life together.  May we be people of hope; understanding that help is available if we are not okay.

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you that you know me.  You know my distress, my hurt, my pain, my shame, my hidden and buried secrets that have oppressed my soul.  You know my inner turmoil.   Father, I confess that these burdens are complex and overwhelming.  I give them to you and I exchange them for your peace, love, compassion, comfort, and care.  I thank you that you promise to heal every wound.  I receive that soul healing now.  I thank you for grace and strength to run my race with zeal, fervor, hope, and expectation (Hebrews 12:1-3)


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How to Talk About What You Don't Know How to Talk About

6/29/2021

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​"I don't know how I feel..."        "I don't even know where to begin..."   
"I can't put it into words..."      "I don't know..."          "I just can't talk about it..."


​Have you or someone you know made statements like these?  If so, you are not alone.  Many of us struggle to articulate our deeply personal experience of pain, trauma, and despair with others for a number of reasons.  Perhaps we are uncomfortable with being vulnerable, are afraid of what others may think of us, or we are drawing from past experiences where we have shared and it do go so well.  We are left trying to "figure it out" ourselves and thereby often resorting to burying our deepest hurts in the caverns of our souls beyond the scope and reach of others.  The challenge with this method of coping is that it locks us in perpetual isolation with "it" whatever "it" may be--fear, shame, a memory, a regret, remorse, guilt, or a traumatic event which can lead to anxiety and depression.

​So, how do we progress?  How do we advance?  How do we unlock the door of our self-imposed prison when it is just too scary or risky to do so?  In our efforts to progress, it is important to accept the truth that it is not God's desire that we live in internal conflict, tormenting fear, dread, and woe.  Christ came that we would experience life to full--with abundant peace and satisfaction (John 10:10).  God wants our souls to prosper (3 John 1:2).  If this is a biblical truth (and it is), then embedded in the Word of God is the capacity for us to walk this truth out in our life journey.

Once we have a biblical foundation to stand upon, we then make a volitional decision to believe and embrace this truth by faith because it is truth that frees us (John 8:32).  Our Heavenly Father, who is love, makes this achievable through his abundant grace and mercy.  Nestled under his blanket of warmth and safety, we are dismantled of our defenses as we bring our deepest wounds before him.  Even when we feel we are inept to express our hearts and the longings of our souls, the good news is that he already knows (Psalm 139:1-4).  This biblical truth lifts the burden and heaviness of trying to find ways to find ways to verbalize the very raw emotions that we hold within.  Communing with the Lord in contemplative prayer is what facilitates internal reconciliation.  A simple prayer like, "God, I don't know where to begin with all of this, but you know.  This___________(event/experience) made me feel______________..."  It's okay to stutter and stammer your way through your prayer; God understands what you are trying to say.  It does not have to be eloquent and pious and lofty, just sincere, genuine, and authentic.  This is the genesis of healing (Psalm 34:18, Psalm 51:17)--acknowledging the brokenness in our lives and bringing the shattered pieces of heart to the Lord.  Are you willing to take a 1,000 volt risk and bring the cares of your soul to the Lord? This is a humbling, yet self-nurturing and courageous act.  

In addition to cultivating a closer relationship with God, it may also be helpful to journal or seek out a trusted counselor, clergy person, or mentor with whom to share your story.  Sharing our stories in a very loving and safe space fosters a sense of community as we are drawn out of self-imposed isolation in a kind and compassionate way. In so doing, we often find that we are more alike in our human experiences than we are different.  We are all "growing through" life and and discovering ways to traverse the terrains of our journey.

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus', I confess that I carry secret wounds.  I feel____________ when I think about them.  It is difficult for me to talk about__________because_______.  I thank you that you know me.  You know my wiring, my temperament.  You know how I have been impacted by what I have experienced.  I thank you that your lovingkindness and compassion sustains me.  I thank you that you are healing my broken heart and binding up my wounds (Psalm 147:3).  I receive it now by faith, Amen.

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Be Kind and Compassionate

6/5/2021

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I was challenged by the word of God as the still small voice (I Kings 19:12) of the Lord spoke to my heart recently as I and others waited to be "herded" through a poor customer service experience. I found myself getting really annoyed.  Atmospheres, interactions, and environments are important to me so, I find it challenging when there is an attitude of indifference and people are not treated well.  When my name was finally called and I was prodded through to the next "grazing" stop, honestly I was beyond annoyed.  The person who waited on me was somewhere between rude and abysmally indifferent.  Internally, I was giving the side-eye; I was simply over the entire experience and just ready to leave.  But then, a strange thing happened.  I heard the quiet voice of the Lord ask me, "Do you know her?" 

No, I did not know her, but that did not stop me from feeling justified in my aggravation. Ultimately, the reality was I did not know her, but should that intercept the foundational principle that she should be treated with dignity, respect, civility, kindness, and compassion?  I didn't know anything about--her story, what she may be facing, what kind of day she was having.  I knew nothing.  Yet, I drew a conclusion based on a superficial, temporary interaction.  She was doing her job after all, wasn't she?  Perhaps not stellar Employee of the Month level, but she was doing her job proficiently.  As I warred over my own attempts to rationalize, the word of God bubbled in my heart, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).

I found that almost instantly my perspective changed;
 I was moved with compassion.  I found myself praying for her with sincerity.  I prayed that her day would be blessed, that God would supply her every need, that he would keep her and her family safe and healthy, that she would walk in supernatural joy and peace.  As our interaction concluded, I thanked her and smiled genuinely.  She mumbled a response without eye contact and quickly turned to go the next customer. 

We are living in desperately challenging times--a global pandemic, unprecedented gun violence, racism, discrimination, economic woes, political upheaval and divisiveness, to name but a few.  Things are difficult on so many levels, but what if we all did our part to walk in compassion, kindness, and empathy?  What if we all took a measure of the compassion that God gives each of us daily (Lamentations 3:22-23) and applied it to our interactions with our brothers and sisters as stated in Ephesians 4:32? It is a spiritual discipline that is deliberate and intentional.  If we all decided to embrace this challenge would our world be different?

Prayer
Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you that even in times of difficulty your word remains constant and uncompromising.  You call upon us to be kind and compassionate to one another.  Thank you that within your word is the grace and the capacity to carry it out.  We thank you that each day you give us new mercies and new compassions.  Thank you for the opportunity to apply the measure of compassion that you have given us to our brothers and sisters.  We receive the blessing of compassion as we interact with others.  May our speech, attitude, demeanor, actions, and thoughts be reflective of your mercy, grace, kindness, and compassion.  In Jesus' name.  Amen
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    I am a wife, mother, and Christian counselor who believes that God can heal and restore our broken hearts and put us on the road to wholeness, purpose, and productivity in our lives when we follow and trust his "GPS".

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