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Moving Beyond Emotional Incest

10/24/2016

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"I will go before you and make the rough places smooth..."
​--Isaiah 45:2 (NASB)
Emotional incest (covert incest or parentification) occurs when a parent looks to the child to meet his/her emotional needs.  It is a form abuse that produces soul wounds in the child that are carried into adulthood.  For more information on the symptoms and effects of Emotional Incest, please read our article by clicking the link below.
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Moving Beyond Emotional Incest

Although challenging and painful, it is possible to heal and move beyond the devastating effects of being an adult child of emotional incest, if one is willing to do the hard work. 

It should be noted that for the victim of  emotional incest, there may be a degree of self-validation, self-worth, or significance and importance at being "entrusted" to handle adult matters as a child.  But this is an unfortunate lie, because this responsibility came from a defiled place with blurred lines and skewed boundaries.  Simply put, it should never have taken place.  To place an adult role on a youth robs him of his true, God-given identity.  Placing this magnitude of responsibility on a child before he or she is emotionally ready mars the soul.  A child is not equipped to handle such weight, and ultimately a soul wound is created.

​So, how does the adult child move beyond childhood memories and pain that have rode shot-gun into adult life? 


  • Share your story
​Begin by sharing your story in a safe and supportive environment (perhaps with your Pastor or a Christian counselor).  Be transparent about your emotions, needs, and unmet longings.  Often, a sense of responsibility or a need to protect the parent may remain, thereby neutralizing or negating the emotional needs of the parentified adult. 

Make every attempt to not sugar-coat or water down your feelings, your hurt, or your anger as you share your story with your Pastor or Christian counselor.  Begin to identify your feelings and recognize your needs.  Be okay with taking care of you.


"Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counselors
there is safety."--
Proverbs 11:14 (KJV)


  • ​Rediscover your God-given identity
​​​The enemy of our soul works overtime to steal, kill, and destroy.  He is a thief.  His desire is to steal our identity, kill our dreams, and destroy our future.  He does not want us to live a life of abundant joy, peace, and satisfaction.  So, very often he attacks in our youth--the formidable years--the time in which our self-perception is being constructed.

​Know who God says you are.  Embrace your God-given identity and uniqueness.  You are an original and one of a kind.  When God created you--He dropped the mic!  You are awesome.  Your identity is not wrapped in being labeled as "mature beyond your years" as a child.  God created you for something special. 

​"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."--Psalm 139:14 (KJV)


  • ​Reset Boundaries (that cannot be compromised)
This may be difficult and tricky to do, and so we rely on the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  He gives us wisdom and direction on resetting boundaries--especially as it relates to interacting with the parent who may have perpetrated the emotional incest.  He also gives us the grace to be uncompromising in the boundary set.

​"He establishes peace within your borders..."--Psalm 147:14(VOICE)



Prayer
​Father, in the name of Jesus, we thank you for your relentless love and pursuit of the lost, broken, and hurting.  We pray for victims of covert incest now.  We pray over every soul wound.  We thank you that you are the True and Living God; the One who is able to heal every hidden, disguised, and masked wound.  We cast emotional hurt and pain, anger, fear, resentment, angst, and hostility at your feet because you care for us (I Peter 5:7).  

May those who are hurting today make an exchange in the realm of the Spirit and  receive your love, peace, and joy--the zoe life (John 10:10) that enables us to live a life of satisfaction and abundance that comes through a relationship with you. 

​Amen and so be it according to your word,
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    I am a wife, mother, and Christian counselor who believes that God can heal and restore our broken hearts and put us on the road to wholeness, purpose, and productivity in our lives when we follow and trust his "GPS".

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